a letter to pit bull:

Dear Mr. Bull,

Is that what they call you? Mr. Bull? I am not sure due to the fact that I am not familiar with anybody who uses the species of the K-9 group as their name... So to avoid stepping on any of your toes I will address you as Mr. Bull for the remainder of this letter (simply because I know how egotistical some performers can get...)

Here's the thing, Mr. Bull: why are you in everyone's songs? No really, please enlighten me. Every time I turn on the radio and begin to jam to a new, hip song your voice interrupts it in the dance-break portion of the song. I understood when you collaborated with J-LO, T-Pain and Lil' John but then you did a song with Marc Anthony. I repeat, you did a song with Marc Anthony. Really Pit Bull, reeeeeaaaaalllly? I know that your intentions were good, thinking, "Hey! Maybe if I help him out then he will become cooler and people will stop making fun of him for being the lesser in the J-LO/Marc relationship!" I'm sorry, but you didn't help him out... Is it too demanding of me to ask you to go on a music-hiatus for a little while? I just want to be able to dance like nobodies business to a couple of songs without having you come through my speakers saying something about "Miami" or "Cuban girls"... I'm only asking for a couple of songs, that's it.

Sincerely,
Someone Who Wants Their Music Back.