LANDSLIDE

i refused to blog for the longest time.

it really started because school got hectic and the time to sit and write became sparse. eventually i hadn't written in so long that i felt i couldn't write here anymore.

you know,that slight embarrassment you get when you haven't visited/called a good friend or elderly grandparent in a while. that embarrassment where you feel like if you pick up the phone now they will just had wished you had never called in the first place. completely made up in your head of course, but avoiding the situation for the sake of your pride seems to justify the neglect.

the same downward spiral happened with my dear friend in sweden.

school got busy and everyone in provo seemed to need me all at once. classic case of spreading myself too thin.

finally sitting down to write him after a couple letters full of "where have you been?" and "i want to hear all about your adventures!" really put it all into perspective for me.

i want to give my heart to those that mean most to me. not to the trivial matters that i have been.

i want to give it to the things that will last.

as my mission quickly approaches, 20 days to be exact, i am putting all of my most sacred and precious memories in little spaces within my heart. 

i will carry them with me as i devote all of myself to the people of nicaragua, occasionally pulling them out for the times when i need a piece of home. a piece of clarity.

i'm so thankful for people that make me want to speak truth. they are so beautiful to me.

things i want you to know

my sisters are the greatest girls i have ever had the blessing of knowing! since two of them (i have three total) are at such malleable and curious ages i decided they need to know a couple of things from their awesome and slightly-more-learned older sister (ehem, me). this one is for you, jordan and carly.

• remember to do one thing everyday that scares you; and i know what you're thinking, jordan- no not like that one time we snuck out of the house at midnight on my birthday and we were scared we would get caught and punished! do something that forces you to leave your comfort zone, something that will make you a more confident woman at the end of it.
• if you ever feel homesick, just eat something italian and nona's love will fill your heart.
• don't put yourself in a position to have regrets. always ask yourself, "is this something that i MAY regret later?" if there is even a slight possibility that you may, it's not worth the risk.
• despite what mom, dad and the national food organization may tell you, still eat the cake and brownie batter.
• learn to forgive; not doing so will only cultivate bitterness in your heart (you have seen this firsthand.)
• dancing in your room by yourself is a great source of therapy. do it, and do it often.
• remember that natural is always better. 
• never overpluck those thick, beautiful eyebrows that we were genetically given. you two are far too gorgeous to look like you are constantly angry.
• choose your friends wisely. plain and simple.
• challenge your body by partaking in physical activity as often as possible. your bodies are such precious, intricate gifts. respect them by keeping them in great shape.
• keep a journal and write in it every night. you're going to want to look back on this magical life of yours!
• wait for the man that God has for you... i know that i must sound like a broken record, but once you find him you will understand why i repeated this. you will be so proud to give him the gift of your purity.

remember this story that i shared with you:

"a teenage girl was ridiculed by two of her peers for maintaing her purity. her reply: "i can be what you are any day, but if you live a hundred years, you could never be what i am."

• make sure you laugh everyday. the sound of your laughter is quite possibly one of my favorite sounds on this earth, remember that :)
• always take your time when shaving, if you don't the effects are painful! your legs will thank you later!
• try not to get offended really easily. when you realize who's opinion truly matters (God), you won't care so much what the rest may say.
• when dad breaks out into his crazy, dancing jig, just join him. these will be some of the most precious memories that will flood your mind when you go off to school!
• master the classic cutillo car dance move (you know, the one where the hands look like they are going through orchestrated seizures.)
• first kisses will always be a little awkward, trust me! so don't be let down if they aren't as perfect as you are imagining they will be. since we're related, the chances of you being as awkward in this special situations as me is extremely likely... hahaha.
• embrace your brain. never dumb yourself down for anyone! you guys have such great potential in those noggins of yours, harness it.
• don't live your life worrying (i'm still working on this one!) come to the realization that as long as you are doing things that are right in His eyes, He will not let anything happen to you that is not in accordance in His plan.
• make sure not to bury your feelings inside. they will come out, and when they do it won't be pretty... trust me!
• pester jack and sam when they are old enough to have girlfriends. they might hate you, but i will be so glad you guys budged in.
• wash your face every morning and night. the dermatologist isn't just saying that to say it!
• eat ice cream at midnight as often as possible.
• lay out on the grass while the stars are out. i promise you'll see the world with different eyes.
• text a boy first every once in a while, despite what our girly magazines might say. be brave! who knows, he just might like the brave ones.

and lastly.

• you will have moments where you might feel unloved and lonely in this life. remind yourself ALL the time how much God loves you and how much your family loves you. if you keep that inside your mind at all times those moments won't come as often!

i love you guys, to the moon and back.

happy thursday! {ed. 13}

i've done something grievous and i come before all of you with a repentant heart... i've been a terrible thoughtless busy careless blogger and have missed my happy thursday post these past couple of weeks! really, i'm sorry guys. it's not my fault! blame it on school, trying to have a social life, (key word: trying not succeeding in) remembering to eat, shower and boys men. (more on that in the future...;) so now that i have humbled myself on the world wide web (which is kind of exposing, might i add...) will you forgive me? if you refuse to forgive me i will hunt you down with baked goods until you forgive me, am i clear? AM I CLEAR? i will force feed you my infamous brownies so you will eventually cave in. and you will cave in, believe me.

so now that we've fixed this little tiff of ours let's get to what we all came here for:
THURSDAY CELEBRATIONS!

current female crush:

alana. a.k.a honey boo boo.

seriously guys, i'm obsessed with this 6 year old. is that even legal to say as an adult?! whatevs, my love for her is never leaving. she is the sassiest, funniest, grossest and most bizarre child on planet earth and i just love her to pieces. my family is obsessed with her show and quote it quite a bit more than we probably should. (a dolla makes me holla, anyone?!?!) maybe i love her so much because she reminds me a lot of who i was at 6... i think we all have a little bit of honey boo boo child in us all- so embrace it! go here to watch her magical ways. believe me, you'll die of laughter. 

current male crush:

dr. mehmet oz

i have already professed my love for dr. oz in a previous happy thursday post (go here for a refresher!) but he is just so awesome that i had to do a repeat! i don't know what it is, but every time i see him giving open heart surgery on ny med  my heart begins to **palpitate! i don't know what it is, but something about doctors just gets me. (i secretly get excited when i have a doctors appointment... shh!) fellas, i've said it before and i will say it again- knowledge is sexy.  endofstory.

current song:

lovely cup by grouplove

this song makes me want to have a dance party. also this song is one of the songs the has been on constant repeat in our apartment because the roomies and i are seeing them (and a ton of other AMAZING bands) in salt lake this weekend! imsoexcitedthaticanbarelybreathe.

current quote:

this quite possibly is one of the sweetest things i have ever read. doesn't this just make you want to fall in love? the poetic power of words are incredible.

remember, wherever you all might be, that make this thursday special!

happy thursday!

**maybe if these heart palpitations keep up i'll be able to meet dr. oz and have him preform surgery on me! then i can really say he has touched my heart! ....a girl can dream can't she?!!?

static

i always heard that taking your advice was always the hardest,
but i never really understood that concept until tonight.
you know that pressure where you have to be strong?
you know,
that spiritual strong that they talk about?
because you're now the relief society president?
because if you admit the fact that you are in fact weak,
everything will fall apart?

the name of this blog is from this song.
and i feel kind of hypocritical because i haven't been taking the advice that it gives.
but it's true,
our stitches get torn apart sometimes,
and those threads that hold us together look a little tainted after you come out of it.
but at the end of the day,
those minuscule details that really only you can see make a tapestry;
woven with experiences so personal that you can help but feel protective of it.

you've got to hold your own,
know your name,
and go your own way.

everything will be fine.

are the details in the fabric
all the things that make you panic?
all your thoughts results of static cling?

infinite

the other night i saw twelve shooting stars.

you know what that does to a person?

it humbles you beyond belief.

it reminds you just how artistic He is.

it triggers that part of the human soul,

the part that is inseparably connected with mother nature.

that part that becomes swollen with happiness when you finish a long hike.

it's like you have broken some planetary law and feel infinite.

i always remember this line of my favorite book:

"...where all you need is that perfect song on that perfect drive to make you feel infinite."

and it's true.

if you've been lucky enough to ride in the back of a truck on a summer night,

with the warm wind playing with you hair,

a song playing that has heartfelt sentiment

and not a care in the world in that moment,

then you know what it feels like to be infinite.

there aren't many things that can make you feel that way but this i know is true,

the simple, often overlooked things are the ones that can.

happy thursday! {ed. 12}

today i decided to change things up!
i'm taking a break of my weekly crushes and going to let you all in on a few things i'm loving.
no particular reason,
mainly because this week i have been too tired to creep on celebrities...
what a life i lead.
sigh!
enjoy some of the things that i am diggin' this week. :)

a canopy of colorful umbrellas in agueda, portugal. isn't this just enchanting?

throw pillows, lots of them. for my bed this coming semester i am going to get various jewel-toned throw pillows of different shapes to enhance the artsy/eclectic feel of my new room... in my new apartment! (socompletleyexcited)

ryan lochte is terrible at interviews.

this video made my day! in his defense, no one said you have to be good at speaking to be an olympic swimmer... p.s. love me some phelps.

nars multiple stick in g spot.

as of late i've hardly been wearing makeup. this and a thin coat of mascara is what i will put on if i want to feel extra nice. i use it as a lip color, but you can use it for a blush as well. it is so natural and so pretty. excuse the name, relish the color.

doesn't this make you feel inspired? my life's goal.

leave things more beautiful than when you came.

happy thursday!

just remember, dear,

there's that part in you that gives all-knowing advice.

the knowledge and courage that you always convinced yourself you weren't worthy to have.

where it tells you to jump into that swift, cold river,

even though you are too afraid.

to run a couple more steps,

or to tell the truth,

despite your fears.

that tells you to inhale deeply and exhale slowly,

hoping that you'll learn how precious those gasps are.

you know when you breathe,

you let out a little bit of grace each time.

i want to bottle it up,

put it on the shelf over my bed.

so when visitors come in and ask what's in that empty mason jar,

i'd respond with, 

"memories. and a lot of hope."

but that would be selfish,

because everyone deserves to experience just how great those movements of your lungs are.

you touch people, 

just by breathing.

doesn't that make you feel powerful?

that advice, that thing we often dispel as insanity

is what moves you to the realization that there are so many things in this vast complexity of life,

much more captivating than social media. 

you taught me that,

i hope you remember.

because if it weren't for that innate whisper instilled within each of us,

we'd miss out on some of the most captivatingly, beautiful things:

deep breaths that fill your lungs with hot air, expand your chest and make you feel infinite,

those times where you meet a  stranger at a crosswalk who will paint your life in technicolor,

or that pull of your gastricnemus as you ascend that peak in provo,

approaching the summit, 

realizing that this,

all of it,

is so much more than any of us can compile into a sweet sonnet.

i want to be selfish,

keep that jar all to myself.

but your advice,

and that tiny voice i so often want to ignore,

has taught me better.

listen, will you?

reminder

"and God blessed the seventh day,
and sanctified it:
because that in it He had rested
from all His work
which God created and made."


i couldn't help but feel the love that He has for me today.
the sabbath is so special,
it is my wish to try and make each day as spiritual as the sabbath.
for i know that my Savior created this beautiful world for me to roam,
to take care of,
to dissect,
to question,
to photograph,
and draw,
to dance on,
and to create many miracles upon.

i sit in humble admiration of the healing powers that this day has upon faithful believers.
it's a reminder for the upcoming week,
one of love,
encouragement,
and repentance.

play me like an instrument, Father.
play songs that give you glory,
as they declare your tender mercies,
in sweet symphony.

i will not doubt, i will not fear;
God's love and strength are always near.
His promised gift helps me to find
an inner strength and peace of mind.
i give the Father willingly
my trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; His love assures
that fear departs when faith endures.

i know the heart of life is good

Despite the Fact...
that I wake up earlier than any sane person should.Can you say walking zombie in the morning?! And don't even get me started on what my hair looks like at that time. For some reason my hair and 5 a.m. do not cohabitate well...

that the DirectTV man caused me to get in a little fender bender then ran away like a little sissy. MAN UP BUDDY BOY! iknowwhereyouwork.


that my deathly-allergy to cats is in full swing due to the fact someone decided to get a pet cat... Oh no  biggy guys, I will just hang out in the bathroom all day long since it is the only place that thing  hasn't been. *shiver* Excuse me while I stop breathing and die...

that the woman at Sears refused to smile at me, no matter how much I smiled at her (I actually looked quite silly in my attempt....)
I mean seriously! Smiling at me does not mean you will have to sign a contract saying we are besties til da end. I simply want to see your pearly whites! Is that too much to ask?!

that the Pretty Little Liars season premiere is on tomorrow night. I.WANT.IT.NOW.NOW.NOW.NOW! Sorry. Sometimes my inner Veruca Salt comes out.... Hehehe.


that I ate my red velvet cream cheese cannoli too fast... Oh how desperately I want those precious moments between the two of us back. I was selfish and took advantage of you, and I am forever sorry....


that I dropped a Pediasure can on my foot and now have a black bruise that is polluting the surface in it's entirety. You 100 calorie-in-liquid-form-evil-being, I loathe you! And btw, on your can it says "Tastes like a Homemade Vanilla Milkshake!" yeah, a homemade vanilla milkshake made from a dirty blender and rotten ice cream! barf.


But my boy, John, brings it all into perspective with this song:

Because after all, no matter what we may go through we all have it pretty amazing. Remember that while you jam to Johnny boy and admire his raspy, sexy, buttery-smooth voice. My oh my... Okay. I'm done. But John... Sorry. This time it's for real.

mean people are... mean.

It's 8:26 a.m.
The phone rings. It says Liberty Middle School, my sister's school.
Now I am confused....
Is she hurt?
Is she in trouble?
Did they catch her smuggling in poodles from the black market?
Did she pretend she was on Pretty Little Liars and flirt with her teacher?
and the worst fear:
**Did she get bit by a rabis-infested, human hunting rabbit and begin biting all of her schoolmates, taking all prisoner?

Jordan's happy voice rings over the phone, "Em, can you bring me shorts and a shirt?"
Me: "Why? Did you get dress-coded?!"
Jordan: (said in a quiet, sad voice) "No, just  please. And fast."

Have you ever seen an elephant and a chocolate lab galloping in the Mid-West?
I know you all have and I can guarentee you were all 62% confused and 28% enthralled.
This, my friends, was like seeing an elephant and a chocolate lab galloping in the Mid-West. I was so confused, but man oh man, I was so enthralled as to why.

I drive in a very cautious, law-abiding and police-friendly manner (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah) and go into the office to see my sweet little sister looking perfectly normal, now I am really confused...

I ask her why she is changing and she replies: "Nothing is wrong Em! It's cool!" Her voice sounded strong and confident, but I see right through her. I heard the slight crack in her voice. I know her too well. There is something wrong... She is putting up a strong suit for the other kids in the office.

As we walk out of the office I force her into telling me why and here is where my heart dropped.
"The other kids told me I looked ugly in my dress. They were making fun of me and said I looked stupid. I couldn't take it."

and then all i saw was red..... (now I know how Dr. Banner feels when he is trying to not turn into the Hulk)

I am fiercely protective of my siblings. My family always tells me I am such a "Momma Bear" because I let no one mess with them, and if someone is daring enough to cross the line I will be daring enough to through them back to where they came from. I am quite proud of it, actually. My moniker is going to come in handy when I have children of my own, that's for sure...

Why are kids so mean nowadays? Goodness gracious! What happened to the Golden Rule?!

YOU ARE MEANING TO TELL ME THAT SHE IS UGLY?!?!?!?!?!? woooooo-ee buddy boy, you better check your facts.

So next time you are tempted to pick on someone based on their looks, remember the wise words of Dieter F. Utchdorf: "STOP IT."

Please and thank you., unless you want this Momma Bear to unleash her madness on you.

**One thing I was happy about was the fact that she was clear of all bunny bite marks. PHEW! She is rabis free!