LANDSLIDE

i refused to blog for the longest time.

it really started because school got hectic and the time to sit and write became sparse. eventually i hadn't written in so long that i felt i couldn't write here anymore.

you know,that slight embarrassment you get when you haven't visited/called a good friend or elderly grandparent in a while. that embarrassment where you feel like if you pick up the phone now they will just had wished you had never called in the first place. completely made up in your head of course, but avoiding the situation for the sake of your pride seems to justify the neglect.

the same downward spiral happened with my dear friend in sweden.

school got busy and everyone in provo seemed to need me all at once. classic case of spreading myself too thin.

finally sitting down to write him after a couple letters full of "where have you been?" and "i want to hear all about your adventures!" really put it all into perspective for me.

i want to give my heart to those that mean most to me. not to the trivial matters that i have been.

i want to give it to the things that will last.

as my mission quickly approaches, 20 days to be exact, i am putting all of my most sacred and precious memories in little spaces within my heart. 

i will carry them with me as i devote all of myself to the people of nicaragua, occasionally pulling them out for the times when i need a piece of home. a piece of clarity.

i'm so thankful for people that make me want to speak truth. they are so beautiful to me.

Dear Sister Cutillo:

"You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Nicaragua Managua North Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months.

"You should report to the Guatemala Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, June 12, 2013. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the Spanish language. Your assignment may be modified according to the needs of the mission president."

and the part that I loved the most...

"The Lord will reward you for the goodness of your life. Greater blessings and more happiness than you have yet experienced await you as you humbly and prayerfully serve the Lord in this labor of love among His children. We place our confidence in you and pray that the Lord will help you become an effective missionary."

I have never been more besotted, anxious, astonished or enamored all at once until that very moment.

P.S. Can you ignore the ugly faces that are made, as well? Being on camera has never been my strong suit....

pleaseandthankyou. :)

Happy Christian Kyle Sagers Day!

Today is the birthday of one of my greatest friends, Christian! How awesome is it that he turns 20 on 12-12-12?! I really shouldn't be surprised though, because he is quite possibly one of the most amazing men I've ever encountered, so OF COURSE his birthday marking one score of his life accomplished would fall on the last repetitive day we'll ever see in our lifetime!

In honor of dearest Christian, here are twenty reasons why he is one of the greatest fellas around:

1. He is the most humble person I know.
2. He understands my humor and actually finds it entertaining (who would have thought....)
3. He is my dancing twin. No one else flails along with me until he came around.
4. His love for music that touches your soul is intriguing.
5. He has this superhuman capacity to love and accept everyone he encounters.
6. His laugh is one of my favorite sounds on this earth.
7. He plays Spanish cassette tapes in his car... 'nough said.
8. He is a living testament that chivalry is not dead (his momma raised him right ;))
9. By the way, his mom is one of my favorite ladies and by association that counts for him as well. You're great, Miss Deon :)
10. He is an amazing listener and even better at giving advice.
11. Ladies, he's a looker. Well-dressed and always presentable. I always loved walking on campus with him because girls shot me the "evil eye" ;)
12. He's always up for a good time. (Need a reminder? Remember this? And this?)
13. He knows how to cook and has a great appreciation for good food.
14. He is quite the ice-skating instructor and an even better catcher of human-bodies when one almost hits the ice. Believe me.... I'd know.
15. He is so consistent. I know that despite the fact he is in Sweden serving his LDS mission and we are continents apart he will always be there if I need his wise words. He is so constant and so strong.
16. Until him, I didn't know anyone else enjoyed silence as much as I did. It is such a gift to share comfortable silence with someone.
17. He is the reason why I made a blog and he is it's biggest fan! Let's hope he still enjoys it when he gets home....
18. His ability to transcend his spoken voice into his letters is such a miraculous, admirable gift.
19. He is so empathetic and mindful of the others. It truly stupefies me to see how intuitive he is.
20. He is a man of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He walks by faith and is always aware of the mantle that has been placed upon him. He is such an inspiration to me and I am so thankful for his meek, humble, powerful and loving presence in my life.

See you soon,  Äldste Sagers! 

monday surprises

as you know, a couple of my dearest friends are serving their missions right now.

i've learned to deal with the fact that they are no longer a phone call away (more like oceans apart now...) to do something when i am bored or there to talk to when no one else quite understands. and as of late, i  have come to the realization that my friday nights just aren't quite the same without these blokes.

thankfully, letters and emails make the distance more bearable.

it's odd to think that there are tiny pieces of my heart scattered in different continents right now.

"it is a long way off, sir"

"from what jane?"

"from england and from thornfield: and ___"

"well?"

"from you, sir."

-charlottle brontë, jane eyre

the postal service

there are few things that bring out the 7th grade, "i'm in love with nick jonas" scream that i have masked within. actually that's a lie... i get excited by almost anything. but every day when i stroll to the mailbox at 11:35 that inner scream begins welling within my chest and i am then soon let down to see the daily savers coupons and mail for the *girls who used to live here. on occasion, those merry happy joyful occasions, that scream can finally come out and this week i had the opportunity to get a letter. not just your average letter. this one was exceptional. so exceptional that i decided i didn't need to do homework for the rest of the day! ..because i have that luxury, right?!?! pushing off my homework until the next day was well worth celebrating my letter all day. 

if you're mormon, a girl and writing close friends on their missions you will echo my declaration that letters are quite possibly the greatest things in the world! i don't get just letters; i get feelings and memories from far away places from some of my favorite people. so i think that my shrieks that ring through liberty square are completely justifiable when i get mail. donthateonme.

*girl from last year who still has a certain elder writing her: please let him know you no longer live here or i will write him and pretend to be you. WAIT! is this your way of "writing him off"??!?! never giving him your new address?? clever, clever girl. 

january 6th

i should have known everything would have changed when we met at that crosswalk.
it was just too picturesque. too fit to be in a romantic comedy.
all of our roommates chatting away, you and i, the lone wanderers falling behind noise.
laughing at the where i'm from. me gasping at where you were serving your mission.
me forgetting to call you.
you surpassing my expectations, somehow getting my number.
i just knew.

call me sentimental. over-emotional. silly. hopeless.
but i miss it all.

stopping by before curfew to drop off a picture of your good-side,
you laughing mercilessly at the fact it was a picture of the back of your head.
sitting by the fire on that first date.
your face when i told you about my color-association disorder.
you then asking me what color you name was. what color my name was. what color everything was.
calling randomly to see that swedish film that we both loved.
watching it,
i looked at you, and the realization dawned upon me that i could get used to this.
that man who said "she's italian, eh? they're feisty, but man they are downright gorgeous."
you, with a nod of affirmation, saying "yes, they sure are." then smiling at me.
me ranting and raving over swedish brownies,
green with envy that you get to eat them for the next two years.
arguing about which country made the better meatballs.
sitting on the couch, drinking, nay, eating, vanilla malts.
having dance parties with my roommates.
showing each other inventive music videos. each one topping the other.
having ping pong tournaments with the gang.
you laughing at me when i would throw the paddle across the room and declare i was done playing.
those starbursts. only writing on my favorite color,
you remembered everything.
watching youtube videos until you had to leave.
trying to teach me to ice skate. then realizing it would be a whole lot easier to just hold my hand.
being my dancing twin,
no one else can seem to match my elongated moves of fury.
sitting in the dark actually listening to music.
seeing late night movies against your will that you ended up enjoying.
being a better bowler than everyone in the group.
sitting over my shoulder as i played temple run on your ipad,
laughing at me when i shrieked with joy.
making your mom's soup for me after devotional.
leaving me notes by the door, teaching me slowly that texting isn't the only thing that matters.

i'll see you soon enough,
maybe we'll meet in chicago?
you know, because you love that city so dearly.
and because that was the song that was playing when you packed everything up from felt hall.
maybe in your next letter you'll send a ray of that scandinavian sun?

where's the bowling alley food?!

Remember my dearest best friend who is now a missionary almost in Sweden, Christian?! Because I sure do!

Golly gee, not a day passes that I do not think of his HILLL-ARRRR-IIII-OUS sense of humor (boy oh boy did he always have me a laughin'! And let me tell you folks, I have a particular taste of funny that he knows all too well!) his always-to-dapper clothing choices (we always got looks walking around and all the glory goes dear Christian. Although I have to say our stylish manners complimented one another :}) his sweet and sincere personality that was a constant source of companionship (I sure do miss our Friday nights that involved use swapping our favorite music videos and *a baked good made by yours truly was always thrown into the mix!) I also miss his **handsome face. Sigh...But that is beyond the point... Another sigh...
sorryicannothelpmyself.

Gee-wilikers! I sure went off on a tangent! Anywho, what was I saying?! Ahh yes! Christian. Chrrrriiiissstiannn! (I'm about to start again, aren't I?! Goodness gracious Emily! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!) Deep breath.... Focus, Emily, Foooo-Cuss. Okay. I'm back and ready!

I had a walk-down-memory-lane moment where I stumbled upon these gems from a day back in early February. Me and my roommate Sheri were completley, out-of-our mind bored (because the fast-paced life of a BYU student is so blase, right?! KIDDING!) and decided to live on the edge! Our idea of living on the edge was staying in PJs all day long with no make-up. By 4 O'clock our day of livin' on the wild side was getting a bit...how do I say this...boring? So we threw on some clothes, refused to put on make-up (quite liberating!) and fast-tailed our way to Christian's apartment. I stood out in front of his kitchen window, called him, proceeded to see him answer the phone (I am so creepy, it is slighty comical.. Give me some sympathy laughs as you say to yourself, "WOOOW! What a bonafide creeper/peeping Tom! Get a life and stop looking in boy's windows!") and told him to come on down and come bowling with us! And of course, he agreed, making this day one for the books! Or for the blog... Whatev. I'm done.

HOLD THE PHONE! DON'T CALL THE FASHION POLICE! LET ME EXPLAIN!

In threw on knee-high boots in our fast-paced dressing to get out the door and put these bad boys on because 1)they are warm and cozy and my feet cannot stand the Utah, February chill and 2)no one sees your socks in knee-high boots! Or so I thought....
Once I took off my boots and realized what choice of sock I had on I decided to throw caution to the wind and said "AWW SHUCK! CARPE DIEM, YA'LL!"

Another explanation: My true colors were shown (literally and figuratively! Look at my red face! Jeepers, acne cream! You've turned me into a cherry-faced freak!) and my competitive-win-at-all-cost-even-if-that-means-shouting-at-Christian-for-getting-a-better-score-than-me came out to play.

Despite my heinous look of horror and Christian's look of half-surprise-half-what-the-heck-am-I-doing-here-with-this-freak, this picture makes oh so unbelievably happy. One heck of a team we are, him and I. One heck of a team...

Even though Christian (or should I now refer to him as his new moinker, Elder Sagers oo-la-la!) beat all of us I still had an excellent time livin' life on the wild side! You know, it isn't that often that I put my planner down and decide partake in an un-penned activity!

............I also still believe he cheated because he was enrolled in a bowling class that semester.

There is only one way to solve this debacle... REMATCH... IN TWO YEARS! Be prepared, buddy boy, I'm coming back with a vengance!

Tune into my next post to find out what we did once we finished bowling. And let me tell you, our activity was definitely one to remember hehehehehehehehehehehehe! I must have you all hanging off the edge of your seats with you mouths watering for me to tell you what this little inside joke is! Don't I? DON'T I?!?!

*I have come to the realization that Christian and his roommates only loved me for my skills in the kitchen... Every day I seemed to bake something new then send it on over to his apartment! He fully believed that it was my plan to plump him up before his mission with my delectable, sugary, homemade-and-straight-from-the-heart baked goods. But even with that thought he didn't let that get in the way of eating them though... (BWHAHAHAHA! enter evil laugh as I spin in my swivel chair with my fingers tapping one another!)

**Much respect/gratitude to Brother and Sister Sagers for having such a looker of a son! 

happiness is

• Waking up at 6 a.m. with Jordan to make breakfast for your mother.
• Combatting bacon grease and coming out slightly unscathed.
• Jordan finding utter humor in every situation (including people almost dying, seriously.)
• Watching Pretty Little Liars with Jordan and having her know every line of every episode.
• Mixing vanilla coffee creamer with vanilla ice cream.
• Waking up early, the human mind is so fresh at the time.
• Bacon for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
• Evening walks with the family.
• Car rides that involve singing at the top of ones' lungs.
• Having nannies that are sent from Heaven (shout out to Rosie and Alma! YOU DA BEST!)
• Being able to use my technical adult status to shut down boys: "How old are you? Like 14?! I am an ADULT! Stop barking up this tree little boy!"
• Cracking your back, even though every one tells you that you have an addiction.
• Smelling Christmas candles in May.
• Realizing you are never too old to play spy.

and...

• Having the comfort of a mother's love whenever I need it.

happy thursday! {ed.5}

Let's set the record straight here, folks. I am beginning this post 3 minutes until the clock strikes midnight and Thursday flees to the calendar pages until it comes out to play next week...

I would try and finish this post in these 3, fleeting minutes but you know as well as I that my humorous words cannot be condensed in such a time constraint! I'M SORRY BUT I HAVE NEEDS, OKAY?!?!?!

Goodness people! Now I know how J.LO feels when she requests only blue M&M's in her trailer and they accidentally leave in the green. Gosh, let me and my girl J.LO breath! Our talents need to be upheld, not rushed or trodden! (Or in her case, don't expect her to share her talents with you if you screw up her chocolatley goodness order...)

Thankfully I am not J.LO and will not burst out of the door shouting, "WHEN I ASK FOR BLUE M&M'S I WANT BLU M&M'S! NOT GREEN!" rather, I will write this post simply because I do not have an excuse to not write it... I mean I am home for the summer with not much to do; and that's what this edition of Happy Thursday! is for...

YOU. Yes, you with the eyes. 

YOU should do something that causes you to tap into something you didn't know you were capable of doing. Try something new. Read a book on the New York Times' Best Sellers list. Paint a picture. Sit outside and tan. Turn off your phone. Log out of Facebook (don't just put offline people, actually log out! YOU CAN DO IT!) Listen to music that moves you, music that radiates to your soul. Write in your journal. Help someone. 

As for me, this Thursday started out as just another day.

But I decided I didn't want it to be just another day.....

So I made it an excellent Thursday by doing Temple Baptisms with some ward buddies. My mere words cannot even begin to explain how magical it was.

So here is to days where you refuse to settle to label it as "just another day." Every day is a gift... Treat it like one!

Happy Thursday!

A Farewell:

Last Sunday I had the joyous opportunity to go to Elder Christian Sagers' mission farewell.

(Ehem... The guy below if you couldn't guess.)

It was a beautiful day filled with so much love! I was truly sad to say goodbye to this amazing young man for two years... But being the good friend that I am I decided to loan him to the lucky people of Sweden for a couple of years (they promised to give him back in two years when he is taller, more handsome than he already is and overflowing with the spirit. **WINK WINK!**)

He didn't give me the memo that we were making funny faces! Thanks a lot Christian, now I look like I am trying too hard.

You know, just sheepishly looking down and pondering the many adventures he will go on in the land of the Swedes!

Wait.. is that camera pointing at us? Not sure.. Smile and wave just in case it is.

Sister Sagers is gorgeous. I am not worthy standing next to this hot mama in a picture, that's for sure!

iamnotworthyiamnotworthyiamnotworthy.

Flawless goodbye, eh? We know, we know. But what to you expect from two lanky & long individuals?!

Pshhhhh, I wasn't crying! I am no cry baby.. *Sniffle sniffle* I'm just staring into the sun.. Yeah, I'll go with that one. *Sniffle sniffle*

So even though you won't see this for two years, (hopefully you still want to be my blog's biggest fan when you come home), this one is for you, Elder Sagers. 

See you soon.