static

i always heard that taking your advice was always the hardest,
but i never really understood that concept until tonight.
you know that pressure where you have to be strong?
you know,
that spiritual strong that they talk about?
because you're now the relief society president?
because if you admit the fact that you are in fact weak,
everything will fall apart?

the name of this blog is from this song.
and i feel kind of hypocritical because i haven't been taking the advice that it gives.
but it's true,
our stitches get torn apart sometimes,
and those threads that hold us together look a little tainted after you come out of it.
but at the end of the day,
those minuscule details that really only you can see make a tapestry;
woven with experiences so personal that you can help but feel protective of it.

you've got to hold your own,
know your name,
and go your own way.

everything will be fine.

are the details in the fabric
all the things that make you panic?
all your thoughts results of static cling?

i know the heart of life is good

Despite the Fact...
that I wake up earlier than any sane person should.Can you say walking zombie in the morning?! And don't even get me started on what my hair looks like at that time. For some reason my hair and 5 a.m. do not cohabitate well...

that the DirectTV man caused me to get in a little fender bender then ran away like a little sissy. MAN UP BUDDY BOY! iknowwhereyouwork.


that my deathly-allergy to cats is in full swing due to the fact someone decided to get a pet cat... Oh no  biggy guys, I will just hang out in the bathroom all day long since it is the only place that thing  hasn't been. *shiver* Excuse me while I stop breathing and die...

that the woman at Sears refused to smile at me, no matter how much I smiled at her (I actually looked quite silly in my attempt....)
I mean seriously! Smiling at me does not mean you will have to sign a contract saying we are besties til da end. I simply want to see your pearly whites! Is that too much to ask?!

that the Pretty Little Liars season premiere is on tomorrow night. I.WANT.IT.NOW.NOW.NOW.NOW! Sorry. Sometimes my inner Veruca Salt comes out.... Hehehe.


that I ate my red velvet cream cheese cannoli too fast... Oh how desperately I want those precious moments between the two of us back. I was selfish and took advantage of you, and I am forever sorry....


that I dropped a Pediasure can on my foot and now have a black bruise that is polluting the surface in it's entirety. You 100 calorie-in-liquid-form-evil-being, I loathe you! And btw, on your can it says "Tastes like a Homemade Vanilla Milkshake!" yeah, a homemade vanilla milkshake made from a dirty blender and rotten ice cream! barf.


But my boy, John, brings it all into perspective with this song:

Because after all, no matter what we may go through we all have it pretty amazing. Remember that while you jam to Johnny boy and admire his raspy, sexy, buttery-smooth voice. My oh my... Okay. I'm done. But John... Sorry. This time it's for real.

that one trip to wal-mart that completely ruined my reputation:

Can I be honest with you all? I disdain Wal-Mart with burning passion. It is up there with my dislike of mushrooms, terrorists, Kim Kardashian and mean people...
There has never (nor will there ever) been a time where I willingly said, "YEAH! Let's go to Wal-Mart!" Personally, I like to avoid situations where I will be misreable and think thoughts of hurting those around me and for some reason those thoughts just flood my mind while there; I just stay away for the greater good.
Want to know just a few of my very legitimate reasons as to why I believe that place (said with a tone of disgust) should be extinct from Planet Earth? Here they are:

1. The traffic. Why in the world does every horrible driver in the continental U.S. decide to gather in the Wal-Mart parking lot?!? Seriously guys, I am confused. Every time I go there I am stuck in traffic that makes traffic on the I-5 seem like child's play. I.KID.YOU.NOT.
2. The atmosphere. The concrete walls, the falling down signs signifying **"5 pounds of Ground Beef for 3.50!" and the tight, condensed aisles are not inviting! Add in the airport-amount of people that are tightly packed in there like sardines and BAM! I am in a full-fledged anxiety attack.
3. The people. Hey now, pump the brakes! I am not saying everyone that goes to that place is a horrible person! NOT WHAT I AM SAYING AT ALL! All I am saying is when I go to that place I try to not look at anyone in fear that my eyes will see portions of skin that I wish to not see. That's all I am saying.

I could go on and on, but I have have self-control. Unlike when I am in that parking lot, shouting at the drivers... Uh oh. Moving on.....
Well my disdainment for that place increased in grievous amounts just recently, here's the story:

I was sent to pick up a few items on a shopping list my Stepmomma wrote for me-all of which were items for the cute, little triplet siblings-a list that I didn't read until I began shopping (first mistake.) After I had picked up their food, diapers and other toddler-related things they are so high matinence I finally looked at the last item on the list. It said "Monistat 7 for their diaper rash."  I thought to myself, "Hmm, okay. Whatever that is!" Then proceeded to look for it... For fifteen minutes. Where was that pesky item? Geeze louise! Finally I found it and I then thought to myself, "Why in the world is it in this aisle? That's peculiar..." As I was waiting in line in one of the three open check-out stations out of the total seventeen stations (seriously, Wal-Mart? If they are there, use 'em. Stop teasing me!) My eyes began to wander and I saw what was written on the Monistat 7 box. My heart dropped. My throat tightened. My hands got sweaty.

It's not my place to tell you what is on that box for many reasons. One of which is I don't know if children read this blog and the other is because I am trying to forget what I saw...

I was getting closer to the counter and I had to think, and think quick! I had half the mind to throw the box out of the cart and tell my Stepmom that the company went out of business and they no longer make products! Alas, I put on my big-girl pants and faced the music, unloading it onto the strip. Right when she rang it up (I was quite particular in my choice of check-out clerk... They had to be a woman or else this would be worse than need be...) I blurted out very quickly and heavily, "You know... That isn't for me! It's for my little brother....." She lifted up her eyebrow, confused. ".....for his diaper rash! I had no clue what that thing is for until this moment! I am simply running errands. DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER, RIGHT? **nervous laugh to lighten the mood**" She proceeded to give me a sympathy laugh and say that if I wouldn't have said anything she would have never noticed. I still don't believe her because how can you NOT notice what is on that box, but I am still thankful that she was understanding about it...

Wal-Mart stinks in general, especially when you go there to pick up an item that you had no clue as to what it's purpose was....
Believe me, it's better not to know....

**For some reason that so-called "deal" seems a little iffy to me... Put the ground beef down and walk away. You and your stomach will thank me later.

happy thursday! {ed 6}

I think that we have reached that momentous point in our relationship where you all know by now of my deep love for Thursdays... (pssst... If you have already forgotten like that one time when you didn't bring me flowers on Valentine's day don't worry! Just click the words and BAM! your memory will come flashing back to you!) And as of late, this love has become even more bountiful in my heart due to the fact that Thursdays were my dearest friend, Christian, erm, I mean, Elder Sagers P-Day.  Is it coincidental that my all-time favorite day was turned into his preparation day? I think not. I believe their was an orchestrator to all of this whom so kindly planned it all out this way knowing that it would give me even something more to look forward to every Thursday!

Well, friends, this was Elder Sagers last P-day on a Thursday in the MTC as of now! (enter a deep exhale of sadness with the lower lip jutting out... Wait, this isn't gaining your sympathy?! It was always a charmer when I was 7!) He is off to Charlotte, North Carolina until he recieves his Visa then he will jet off to Sweden! I am bursting at the seams with happiness for this boy! I can't wait for him to get to Charlotte... But I cannot wait even more for him to finally get to the land of the Swedes! I also cannot wait to find out when his P-Day is so until I see his next email home I will re-read all of his previous emails to the point where I will be able to recite lines from them!  I mean... Umm...You know, to work on my Swedish... Ya, I'll go with that one.

NOW BACK TO THE SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING:

Current female crush:

Heather Dubrow.

The newest housewife to the cast of The Real Housewives of Orange County. (a.k.a my biggest indulgence!) Maybe I like her so much because she is the only one in the group that is anti-drama. Maybe it is because she sees through phony women in a blink of an eye (you know who you are, Alexis Bellino! *cough cough) Maybe it is is because she is a woman of class who chooses sophistication over the usual-how do I say this without offending someone.... trashy and overdone O.C. ways. Or maybe it is because she is the only brunette of the group. Us brunettes gotta stick together...

Current male crush:

Liam Neeson.

This man is amazing. AHHH-MAAAYYY-ZIIIING! Not only is he an excellent actor, father, philathropist and forever hottie, but this man is a widower which has my heart swell for him. He is so strong and so suave. I really cannot get enough. For pete sakes, he fought Alaskan wolves in his last movie... WITH HIS BARE HANDS! I think it is safe to say based on his movie career that no one messes with Liam; NO ONE... not even wolves.

Current tune:

For what it's worth by Buffalo Springfield.

I don't think anything I say could make this classic even better than it already is... So I will leave you with that^^.

Current quote:

"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.”

-Kahili Gilbran

Wise, wise words Mr. Gilbran.

HAPPY THURSDAY!
**I know I promised in my last post that my next post (which would be this one if you are having a hard time keeping up...) would be part 2 of mine and Christian's adventure. Hold on tight, dear friends! You will have to exert that patience that mommy dearest taught you all when you were kiddos! Wait, she never did? You never heard "patience is a virtue"?! Oooookay, this is awkward....

reason #17 why i could never get botox:

I'm no plastic surgeon, and correct me if I am wrong, but Botox involves needles deeply jutting into one's face.

Am I right? I mean, c'mon, AM I RIGHT?!?!

(hits microphone, "is anyone out there? helllllooo?!?!")

I bet you're wondering where I am going with this (don't worry, I kind-of  know what I am trying to say)

and here is the thing:

Today I said goodbye to the mole beauty mark on my face. Twas a sad parting, but I don't want no cancer on my face! NUH-UH BROTHA MAN, THAT WON'T FLY WIT ME!

sorry, i get carried away sometimes....

Here is where the botox-related statement comes into play:

 In order to remove that sucker my amazing dermatologist had to jut a seven, yes you read correctly, seven inch needle into my poor face five times. FIVE TIMES! FIVE TIMES I SAY!

 I like to pride myself on the fact that I am extremely tolerant to pain... Well this procedure sure made a little girl out of me. While I was laying there, face covered with the faint scratch of metal-to-skin going on in the background I thought to myself:

**"I am fairly certain that childbirth feels like this! YES! I know for a fact what childbirth feels like now!!"

Needless to say I have much respect for those of you who get Botox. Teach me your ways, please? Not that I will be having needles jut into my face anytime soon, I just think it would be a good idea to handle the pain that accompanies seven-inch needles stabbing my skin.

 You know........ Just in case terrorists begin to use that in the future as torture method.

A girl must be prepared!

The smile proves that I had absolutley no clue what was about to ensue.... 

Oh no biggy! I just had something carved out of my face AND (here is the best part!) I get to wear this sexy gauze for two days!

**I have now come to my senses and stopped being dramatic and realized that this doesn't even compare with what childbirth will be like.

This is Not a Basis for Judging Me...

You do not truly know me unless you know this one thing: other people's mishaps amuse me a little bit a lot. Whenever I am at a social gathering I insist on obtaining a computer/laptop/any technologically advanced item that can project a video to show off my favorite videos of the innocent suffering at the hand of fate. I know what you’re thinking… “this girl is a bona fide lunatic!” Well I hate to burst your bubble, but you are late to the party with that one.

If you cannot handle the fact that I laugh mercilessly at these poor civilians, then I am sorry- we’re just going to have to break up.

Here are just a few in my collection:

This one is a personal favorite. So quick, so effortless. Pure beauty in pain form.

I wish I had been here to witness this hilarious act in person... If only.

And finally...

Now that you know this about me there is no need to run in the other direction and hide. Take it as a compliment that I am willing to share this sadistic secret with you.

You're welcome.

love, love, love.